Wednesday, August 31, 2016


Stranger than fiction events comparable to scenes from the 1990
movie "Jacob's Ladder" minus combat related PTSD or the Hollywood
elements of demons, drugs, flashbacks, exploding cars and the contrived
cop-out "it was all a drug induced dream before death" depressing ending.
The lead character Jacob Singer (Tim Robbins) is a Jewish Army combat soldier in
Vietnam.  He is bayoneted in the stomach by one of his own men who were depicted
as being unwitting lab rats in a CIA drug experiment using something like BZ, an
hallucinatory aggression amplifying drug.  Jacob is found in the jungle with his
intestines outside his body.  Singer is still alive and taken by helicopter to a basecamp hospital.

The movie then picks up on what is supposed to be his post war civilian life.
In my view, all the scenes in this movie, all the flashbacks, everything hallucinatory
are depicted for a reason and meant to stand on their own loosely depicting iconic
metaphysical events that are timeless.

In 1985 I had "successful" sternum to pelvic bone resection surgery.  The operation was
five years before the movie.  I was in my late thirties.  Nothing iconic or metaphysical
about it but there is something going on regarding wounds or surgery in that particular area.

Unlike the movie I latter experienced a 6 to 9 month marathon of total sleep deprivation
without stimulant prescription or street drugs while in my 60's.  Considered impossible and
as close as anyone wants to get to a living death.

At one point the movie shows a civilian Jacob Singer at a crowded NYC apartment party
mixing with friends of his then Hispanic girlfriend. He is awkward and has nothing in
common with them.  As shown in the trailer, he has his palm read during the party.
Singer, shown with a wine bottle in his hand experiences confusion and war flashbacks
developing into a 106 fever.  His wife, played by the late Elizabeth Peña, gets him into
an ice bath to lower his body temperature.  He yells out that he's dying.  The shock sends
him into delirium.  He blacks out and imagines himself with his Jewish ex-wife.
He tells his ex the bedroom they are in feels like 10 degrees mirroring the ice bath.

Here's how that translates:
In the 1970's I am invited to Brooklyn to "sleep" with a partly Jewish female I'd
been seeing who was always said to be "married."  Her open marital arrangement was
more than slightly unconventional.  My guess now would be she would get pregnant by
a male loosely defined as a "husband" and would then sleep with me in between pregnancies.
Her looks were the very opposite of the Pena movie character.

The Brooklyn apartment is normal at first and then in the middle of the AM feels to be
at least 10 degrees below.  She says the heat is turned off at night.  It is unnaturally cold.
When I try to touch her to warm up she is too hot to get close to.  She is burning up but
notices nothing wrong.  She is too young for hot flashes.  Her body heat was beyond
anything sexual or natural.  But considering what we just did it did serve a purpose.

Awake all night in the sub-freezing cold room I go to work the next morning and
of course see her "husband" coming from his night job.  We turn around at the same
time as we pass.  He probably knows what's going on but it is all made to seem like high
intrigue.  Like a movie.  The invitation, the room temperate, her temperature and the
morning meeting was a contrived stupid arrangement designed to provoke guilt and
confusion about myself and the the woman I thought I knew.  I was the only one not in on the joke.

Thursday, August 25, 2016


There are scenes in the movie of insidious crazed doctors with typically big needles.
Replaced in reality by "nice guy" smiling student dentists applying unneeded painful
injections into the chin cavity inside my lower gums.  Smiling Asian "student" dentist
knew I would yell out in a crowded clinic which I haven't done at the hands of dentists
since the sixth grade when I got minor cavities filled without painkiller.  Smiling Asian
student dentist denies everything.  Everyone stays in character except me.  I complain
and am switched to a female Asian dentist.  Her first words to me?  "Will you cooperate?"

What I try and fail to describe above and below is all too similar to the shocks
depicted in post war civilian parts of the movie except that the reality is less dramatic.

Unlike Singer, I never got off at abandoned Bergen Street subway stations in Brooklyn.
The people seen by Jacob in compressed scenes on subways are comparable to what I
see in encounters more numerous except that none include seeing homeless guys with tails
left out of some versions of the movie.

I did witness a fake subway fight with real people bouncing off seats inside a moving subway.
I was not involved but I could see the contrived desperation of it unfolding in front of me.
That's an example of odd events I see every time I use the subways of NYC.  Imagination,
mood, paranoia or drugs play no part.  But...

...Jacob experiences one visual shock after another.  This extends to the physical as he
is abducted by three men in a moving auto that he escapes only to have his wallet and ID
picked after he hits the ground by a guy in a Santa Klaus suit and beard waving his
bell for donations.  When asked what happened to his ID at a hospital ER he admits
that "Santa Klaus took it" confirming the movie doctors idea of someone insane.  When
wheeled on a gurney through hospital winding corridors the audience and Jacob sees
someone resembling his ex-wife curled up on the hospital floor.  See's his chiropractor
vaguely behind a glazed window.  His girlfriend Jessie is one of the nurses.  This is seen
to be the result of a concussion received in the speeding car but, as mentioned previously,
also representing something else.  Similar disjointed events not so dramatic happen routinely
in my real life version.  The fact that none of it answers to logic soon becomes beside the
point.  Ex-girlfriends that I knew for years are seen inches away in public who gaze past me.
Common enough.  In the 1970's an East Indian male is seen climbing my fire escape at
 4:30 AM, barefoot and dressed only in a sackcloth.  This happened to be the first time I had
a girl sleep over.  The guy climbing the ladder shows up years later in contexts so different
I couldnt conceive of connecting the two events.

An event analogous to the fictional Jacob Singer car scene happened to me in April of 2014.
I am pined to the floor of a Soho bar around 4PM after being asked to leave for no apparent
reason.  I offered to pay my bill but wasn't given the chance.  There was no previous trouble,
no inebriation in a near empty bar.  A knee to the back of my leg sends me to the ground
with a guy for each leg and one with his knee to my chest while holding down my arms.
He knows his knee is stopping me from breathing and talking normally.  While down I
manage to call him a moron.  I am cuffed, ID is taken and returned.  No name tag, no police
ID is shown, I am uncuffed.  An ambulance arrives and drives me to to Presbyterian Hospital
ER across town.  The only people I see are uncomprehending blank-faced security.  I sit down,
I walk out after 30 seconds.  No blow to the head, no Santa Klaus characters, no missing ID.

No medical procedures, no blood pressure taken but the Presbyterian Hospital ambulance
bills my insurance for over a thousand dollars.  Routine fraud is the least of it.  I consider
challenging the claim.  I go back to the bar and a different bartender.  And who is going
to believe this story even with witnesses.  Nada, no one.  The guy compressing my chest
with his knee shows up the next day in circumstances so completely different as to be almost
comparable to Jacob watching helplessly while Santa Klaus picks his pocket.  There are other
implications associated with the movie version that I don't even want to touch.

Saturday, August 6, 2016


Opening shot is not "Twilight" English actor Robert Pattinson
looking at his vampire mother.  This is a female actress who is
part of Morrissey's Everyday Sunday video located on a British
beach resort.

The female driver is Billie Whitelaw who I saw at The Old Vic
in Beckett's "Happy Days" in 1970's London.  (Before Happy
Days of American TV).  The girl in the video just happens to
turn on the TV to a beach scene.  The stunning Ms. Whitelaw
died in 2014.  A very close simulacra to a post 911 former
girlfriend of mine?  Or just my imagination.
"Well I thought that the most dreadful thing that could happen to anybody, would be 
not to be allowed to sleep so that just as you’re dropping off there’d be a ‘Dong’ and 
you’d have to keep awake...Samuel Beckett in preparation for writing Happy Days. 

Back To "Reality":
On my last day at work in 2005 a 6' 4" black on the fat side co-
worker made a point of always preaching and telling me what I
would find among so-called "daytime people."  Slackers, stoners,
hipsters, unemployed, students, or, like me, retired.  Slackers,
hipsters and stoners aren't adequate terms for what I found.  I
looked at the world and the world looked back.  (Ack, ack, ack)

It's as if I had the extreme audacity to retire after working seventy hour weeks at two
jobs for twenty years with nothing but time and age to show for it.  I went from
70 hour work weeks to zero.

My attempt in describing completely unnerving, "peripheral" human++ types sounds
straight out of a horror movie or something from a demented central casting call for Marvel
unitards.  I would say straight out of Comedy Central because that is exactly what this sounds
like.  Except the above two plus marks after the word human are completely applicable but
I'm not sure what they equal.

Everything described in this blog does and doesn't originate in any particular time or country.
Manifesting in the 1960's - 1980's in the following ways: I had no idea at the time but
"new age" groups like Macrobiotics, Bioenergetics, Sri Chinmoy, Bubba Free John,
Integral Yoga and many other so-called alternative eastern and western groups were
completely serious as far as their stated intentions and completely rigged.

By who?  Not the FBI who were probably there reporting to J. Edgar and his successor
on what might have been considered to be potential subversive foreign infiltration.
The groups themselves didn't care and probably got a bunch of laughs over who the
designated G-Man was.

These alt groups had excellent PR depending on the image they wanted projected.
I never followed Franklin "Adi Da" Jones' " and bad-boy reported orgies which
were likely faked or contrived for the sake of rumor.  Or relatively conservative East-
Indian mediation teachers seemingly following unwritten scripts of prescribing celebracy
until, one after the other, getting "caught" seducing female followers.  One was described
as preforming mechanically, in/ out laughably animatronic seemingly getting nothing out
of it.  IOW, asexual, as if doing a job.  Were these deliberately self-provoked falls from
"enlightened grace" a karmic offset to being objects of worship and fame?  Deliberately
arranged and welcomed fake PR both positive and negative?  Of course they were.

IMO, many people, Catholic religious leader, Marcial Maciel Dellogado, famous politicians,
actor Mel Gibson manufactured deliberate public humiliation under the guise of sex, mental
illness, substance abuse or all three.  Right after he, Gibson, makes a billion dollars
depicting the Crucifixion of Christ a series of incidents are blamed on alcohol, "the Joos"
or a bipolar condition.  Was he actually DWI?  Yes.  Involved with porn actresses?  Most
likely yes.  All real and all faked and it doesn't really matter in his case.  Public disgrace is
considered a badge of honor and something to actually strive for in some religious quarters.
Like his for instance.  Like the Catholic Church for instance.  He just happens to be
fundamentalist Catholic.  Which goes back to my impressions of the movie "Spotlight"
depicting the older defrocked priest.  He was a willing human drone doing a job and
getting nothing out of it.  For what real purpose?  The purpose that operates across time.

Thursday, August 4, 2016


WILD LIFE, TALKING HEADS AND GUESTS: (looks like John Goodman's brother)



More extremely tall people of both sexes does not usually qualify for mention.  I'm six foot
and not considered short or tall.  In the middle as usual.  Each generation gets taller
but what I see is over and above.

I briefly spoke to a woman at the Chelsea Market in NYC who looked to be in her 70's, easily
over 6' 4" who looked to be related to another woman of average height I worked with and
went with after 911.  The older version who denied she had a daughter, was the only one I can
remember in that age group of that height which means, of course, it happens and who cares?
Except that...

...extreme height is but one example of what happens when extremes of every kind 
are made to become routine across age groups, genders, races,  nations, geography, 
weather, US Presidents.  

And it will be said, "well, of course, exteme tall people stand out and are noticed and so what?"

I spoke about nephilim-like tall women to my sister in late 2015.  First day of her
arrival in NYC we met in an Irish bar that used to be near 34th Street on 8th Ave.
A tall transvestite draws fake whistles from the crowded bar.  Conversely, on her last
day in town a woman entered the restaurant where we were eating who might have
been one of the women in the above video.  My sister's jaw dropped or pretended to
in amazement at the sight of a 6' 11" female in a three piece pants suit and tie.  Did I
think to take out my I-Pad mini for a picture?  Of course not.  The two non-events
just happened by coincidence to sandwich her visit.  And 6' 11" females are of course very rare.

Real life post human's looking lik Star War aliens from the Mos Kantata's Cantina:

*Many of those I am trying to describe seem to eat little, sleep little and have no
particular interest in sex apart from procreation but take on distressed holes in the jeans
hipster, sexually outrageous suggestive or sexually ambiguous appearance.  One extreme
to another.  Contrived appearances, contrived outrageousness, contrived gender ambiguity.

*Whether street people with over-amped musculature or so-called hipster
types covered with tattoos, looking completely wrong or perfectly uniformed
down to off center or backwards rally caps.  Beards and man-buns growing in
opposite directions or one-sided shaved skinhead soggy bottomed prison chic sweats.

IOW, drones of all ages doing everything but standing on their heads to mimic
what everyone associates with coming of age teen rebellion and disruption.  In the
building next door to mine is an "August Rush" group home apartment complete
with skateboarders who for years wore dyed black hair standing straight up with
yellowed tips like Christmas tree lights.  They could easily be 15, 25, 45 or 55
years old.  August Rush was probably the only bad movie Robin Williams
ever made.  The movie continues in real life with skateboarding at all hours with
different bleeding colors on potted plant heads always ready to act against
type with big smiles to compensate for gamer Illuminutty artistic looks.

* A contrived overly polite manner is used and not only to counter any gross weirdness
such as bleached white hair on both sexes or or dyed blond beards on brown skinned males.
How many guys in their teens or twenties are going to want to maintain dyed hair?  Quite a few.

*Behavioral opposite extremes: Blindside bumping or grappling with me one minute
like something from the movies "They Live" or "Fight Club."  Other times exactly
opposite: holding doors and smiling excessively like Jim Carrey from "The Truman Show"
with his famous wave and smile "have a good day, and if I don't see ya, have a good
afternoon and night too."

* Passive aggressiveness on parade, in extremis and nobody notices.  No one left
to notice.  Summer of 2016 I saw the actor Benedict Cumberbatch with his hair
completely grey walking his dog on 23rd Street where I live.  No one else noticed
or even pretended not to notice which sounds like a Truman Burbank, Seahaven
by the Hudson, Chelsea, NYC Dr Strange kind of universe.  Of course not too many
Americans were familiar with Cumberbatch pre-Dr Strange.  He did Shakespeare in
Brooklyn's BAM and soon after his big Marvel movie came out.

* 2011 - 2015, too many caucasian women speaking in overly polite exaggerated pretty
please Valley Girl "up-talk" in NYC while fishing in their pocketbooks for their wallets
to count out exact change along with clipped tones of "yeah yeh".

* For a couple of years too many guys took on a deliberately fake vocal fry, mission
control exaggerated macho laughable speech pattern.  How can that be possible?  It's not.
It's the opposite of possible.  And the opposite extreme, gay effeminacy over and
above any Google IT, gay or nerd stereotype.  A rehearsed nonstop standup comedy
act seen for a few months and then replaced by something else going from dumb to dumber.  Schreber's Improvisational People?  Too stupid to think about.  All the same entity
with different faces and genders?

Any description of extreme opposites like those on this page can easily be dismissed
as reflecting extreme delusional states of mind or mood changes in bipolar opposites.
Resulting in a carnival Truman freak show of my own making.  Something almost as
bad but not of my own making.

*Women that I went with in the early 2000's (mentioned earlier) once made a point
of licking pasta sauce off a plate in a restaurant.  Another would put a bare hand into a
restaurant buffet.  Still yet another wore big cleverge in twenty degree weather.  The
opposite in 80+ degree weather.  Completely covered minus burka.  At the time this
female was supposed to be living in Florida.  I saw her on the Upper Eastside of NYC.

* Contrived public sex when a nearby house or apartment was available.  I was always
the one to say, "hey look, is that guy staring?"  The unlikely and overly casual answer from
the girl, "who cares."

IOW, these relationships were a mix of mostly normal behavior combined with contrived
disruptive lunatic moonbat behavior.  The unstated multiple messages from these women:
'I am beyond disruptive, addicted, crazy, average or normal.'  'Sex?  Take it or leave it.'
'Once I start doing that or anything don't try to stop me.  AND you will have to stop me.'
'Don't get attached.  AND I will make sure that you do.'  'When convenient I might deny
who I am, who you are, forget how to count, what year it is and get away with it without
question because in the next instant I can out think and out talk anyone.'

Symptoms of speed diet pill addiction?  Possibly, but that can't begin to explain it.
None were working for any deep dark government agency getting paid in bitcoins
or any other physical currency.  None of it was the result of anger, bi polar mood change,
hot flashes, menopause, eccentricity, a joke, self hate, psychopathy, deficits of intelligence
or my imagination.  None of the DSM or psych-boilerplate cliches apply.  Were they trying
to get rid of me?  Of course.  As well as keeping me hooked?  O course.  Either deliberately
toxic and nasty or extremely passive and cooperative.   "Yes sir, whatever you say dear."
IOW, coming and going at the same time non-stop.  Everything to excess.

*A kind of routine hyperactivity (Hyper++).  As a guess, not being in constant motion
and constantly busy invites some kind of automatic direct or indirect negative feedback.
Any pause might result in Adderall who knows what?

* Interests might include art, ballroom dancing, computer games (applies to anyone).
* Big on lying and deceit.  The more you engage them directly the more they have to lie.
*  Males are big on fighting.  Each relationship female picks physical fights.  Even knife fights.
* Acting, improvisation, PR, propaganda.  Loud overheard gibberish conversations mixed with
actual language for hours without stopping.  Either in a foreign tongue or as if a language
software module is activated in fast forward (like in the George Clooney movie Tomorrowland).
* A synchronized smart mobbing plays out in public before your disbelieving eyes.
* For a time lots of "Dias De Los Muertos" skull tattoos and imagery on shirts and hats.
* They make their own or buy cheap wild, flamboyant or the opposite, plain nondescript clothes.
* Women are seen greeting each other in OMG!, OH! MY! God!! Exaggerated loud greetings
more often than would be considered too often.  Gay and straight couples do a porno
public kissing routine past the point of comedy or parody.  *Reasonable people would say this
is no big deal in itself and I would agree.  If it didn't happen or be seen by me a little too often.

(*Reasonable defined as reading scripted cliched lines as if from a teleprompter from
behind lying eyes.)

* On occasion when in public I feel a palpable depressing Maxwell Smart "cone of silence"
"dead air" effect.  Like air sucked out of the inner ear during a medical ear exam.  With certain
females the opposite occurred.  A sharp zero point focus.

* Spastic male model runway penguin walk with hands in jean pockets (James Dean hustler
style) or addicted street people (Scarecrow) dreadlocked, tattooed, homeless, begging, K-2
heroin and fentanyl users stretched out on 23rd Street, in and outside NYC.

* Grossly over developed over-amped military types (Tin Men) with arms and chests so
large (like turkeys) they have to move or pretend to move with bent arms swinging robot
style in front instead of at their sides.  Shamelessness on parade.

* As of mid-year 2016 there's more of a conservative look going on.  Cut and buff in tapered
dress shirts for the guys but looking mostly off in skinny jeans and boat like dress shoes.

Again, no big deal in itself.  If and when it stops it'll all seem like a bad dream.  Or events will
just change in their variety.  Under no circumstances, can I be allowed to experience the world normally especially when committing the sin of "freeloading."  IOW, not working after
retirement.  THAT must never stand.

(Well gee, give blood, get a job, give away your possessions or sign over your pension to charity,
join the Mormon's, become a missionary or volunteer in a refugee, homeless or drug treatment
center trusting in the Lord and taking that leap into the void even if only pretending)

Which means now until I die I will have only abnormal encounters.  Repulsive in kind
and in frequency.  This is how people are worn down to the point of wanting to die.
Visual psychological waterboarding both in variety and monotony.  Quite a metaphysical
piece of choreography by the dance master.

Nothing that I see is as it should be but, at the same time, nothing looks
flagrantly out of sync to non-existent observers.  All can be seen as classic ______
(fill in the symptomatic blanks) or just crotchety dementia, Alzheimer's, evident
lack of insight and the usual DSM language of convenience sounding more comical
and weird than the behavior described.  (Well of course subconscious expression
sounds irrational and silly blah blah blah)

I don't have any particular need for complete normalcy or want people to look like me,
like Tru-man Burbank or like my overachieving opposite, Donald Tru-mp (Lying King)
formerly of the Illuminutty spray-on saffron hair and face-on-fire look. His ex-lawyer and
mentor, Roy Cohn, would be proud of his President Donny.  The short Cohn if he were
still alive might stand on tip toes for a kiss on top of his bald head from the man,
the legend, who would be and is King, "El Don."

President Donny and Melania as a "truly dignified" FLOTUS?  Hah!  Let's hear scripture
from Jim Bakker and Franklin Graham on that one especially after the scrutiny Michelle
Obama endured.  TBTF Trump, Russian, Chinese and German Deutsche Bank all bailed
out by the fact of his election.  A lucky man with heavy debt who gets by with help from "friends."

President Trump will be consigned to playing golf, forced to do once a month bill signing
and out the Casa Blanca backdoor to do rallies and raise money for fellow Republicans.
IOW, like Bush 43, he will do as he is told and play the part of temp intern while the
"Deep State" Republican dominated military industrial congressional complex runs the world.
RU ready for a 25th Amendment Article 4 early resignation and Rep. Liz Cheney as VP in
2017?  2020?  One nightmare at a time.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016


And now, from Mos Easley, Mexico, the Cisco Kid, Pancho and Han Solo live
from Moz Kantata's Cantina: Help Me Ob-ama Wan Kanobi you were our last hope...
in fighting the weirdest creatures you've ever seen...You will never find a more
retched hive of Trumpian scum and villainy...

And now a loose metaphor for NYC:

The perfect intro to:
* Extreme man-made climate change across the earth. 
* Extreme displacement of nine simultaneous "Arab Spring" Islamic civil wars.
* Extreme right wing resurgent politics worldwide w/ Trump birtherism the very least of it.
Millions of displaced flowing into Western and Easten Europe and the Americas. 
* Extreme economic volatility, the 2008 Great Recession to the collapse of oil to Brexit. 
* Extreme 6' 8" Tatooined humanoids gay and straight out of Moz Kantata's Cantina, NYC. 

Now what is all this about extreme size and height?

I don't see 6' 5" women every time I go out.  But close to it.  Are they all from the Netherlands?
Models from Mars?  College or pro athletes?  Nephilim?  Is that the next stupid thought in the progression of extremes?  The average height is still supposed to be 5' 10 for men and 5' 6" for
women.  So Jerry, ah says to myself, what gives?

There are internet sites and videos about "sons of God" and "daughters of men" nephilim
who supposedly existed before Noah referenced not just on biblical sites but on hundreds 
of rigged bogus blogs and videos whose deliberately provocative fake presentation repeats 
the terms "Reptilians" and "ancient space aliens" to convince those still not in on the joke 
that the internet is teaming with sub IQ 80 delusional nutjobs. 

A few are...nuts that is.  A few videos and comments are by and for the insane but the
majority of fringe sites and channels are by people who are the opposite of insane.
If it was just a hundred no one including me would care.  The same troll farms likely
also account for toxic internet trolling and threats directed at women always blamed
on male Gamergate fanatics of all ages.  IMO, it is all done to degrade internet usage
in general for everyone and women in particular.  This blog might indicate who these
idiots are generally which means nothing when, as the late L. Cohen used to sing,
"That's the way it goes, Everybody Knows."  Except slow learner me.

And are the videos, forums and blogs on the subjects of mind control, so-called
"targeted individuals", chemtrails, aliens, FEMA coffin, financial, nuclear, Fukushima,
and religious eschatologic end-times-all-the-time all by the same few loosely defined troll
farm networks all with the same motive?  No, not all.  The vast majority.  On social
networks like You Tube they're the work of few troll farms mostly I would guess of
Russian origin.

Am I am telling my nonexistent readers that there is something wrong that goes slightly
beyond my personal projections of what people should look like, think like or what
should and should not be?  Yes I am even though there's no one listening except for
my usual single female follower.  The first one identified as female US military
intelligence who was likely nothing of the kind.  Replaced by her opposite, a retired
US expatriate living in South of France.  This someone seems to favor 911 conspiracy
style cultivated by RT or Sputnik government sponsored "news."

Besides being a retired, lazy, 6' aging boomer who might look to be a grey-haired 40 - 50
male of average health, no medication, no hair dye, no nose rings or ponytails, no shaved
head, dreads, drugs, addictions, no tattoos, man buns, beards or bi polar mood swings
going in opposite directions.  Pretty dull and nothing in common with humanoids too
numerous to count who look straight out of the meth amphetamined "Mad Max" future or
walking monument alien hookers from the 1996 movie, "Mars Attacks."  The aliens are us
from earth not from space.  Or maybe I'm the lone alien like the old Twilight Zone segment.

On the internet there is a special emphasis on endtimes-all-the-time which for many
means there is no future because it's literally always Apocalypse Now!  Recycled
over and over through wars, famine, recycled lifetimes.

Dead Man's Party:
All dressed up and nowhere to go...Oingo Boingo from The Ritz of NYC 30 years ago.
I caught Marshall Crenshaw and Jim Carroll but missed this band of weirdness....

All the negatives mentioned before the OB video that I avoid are constants of visual 
extremes experienced day in and day out far in excess of what should be 
characteristic of my or any average big city mixed neighborhood.  It could be 
said that this blog is an exhibit A example of how big mood swings affect the 
content of a persons external world view.  With this blog being a Daniel Schreber-
like "Only Little Boy In New York" delusional manifesto about "improvisational 
people" illustrative of imaginings or lack of changing generation coping abilities.  
Some of that is true just like the 1960's were a shock for my father.  Except that 
none of what I see can quite be explained away by the usual default changing times clichés.  

My imagination isn't up to the task of projecting or imagining what I see in the streets 
of NYC every single day.  

Crowds, loud music, differences and disruptions that are part of or exceed the
average persons day to day experience are no big deal for me.  What I am describing
is "unpossible" except that nothing written about here individually can be considered
in any way exceptional.  Except by me, a left behind kind of guy, who still can't believe
his lying eyes.  Per the song "Dead Man's Party", my invite a party where no one's alive...

....NYC in a time warp looking more and more like the NYC of 1984 without the
drugs and related crime.  The city has become a dead zone, an overcrowded
graveyard or deadman's party reflective of things that are part of and apart from global events.  Disruptions not accounted for by official or unofficial U-6 unemployment, the homeless
or displaced migrants but includes all of those.  As of post election 2016 things are improving
slightly.  Certain females that I knew would say this is reflective of "moods" leveling off.
It's just that my moods were never the ones in question.  Conservative looks now alternate with
Zoolander wildlife.  (A tweet by Ben Stiller who directed and acted in the movie Zoolander
just crossed my screen.  Jussst coincidence.  I sub to Stiller on Twitter but he rarely tweets.)

This particular NYC cycle is mirrored in the TV and movie entertainment industry (Gotham,
Star Wars, Walking Dead, The Truman Show, Jacob's Ladder, They Live) but never openly
acknowledged.  Bogus sites disguise the reality behind dire gang stalking videos where
large numbers of innocent people are said to be mind control, stalked, "electronically harassed"
24/7 by what are stated to be or implied to be U.S. government sponsored paid gang stalkers.
The millions of victims worldwide are described as targeted individuals or TI's stalked by
"perp" bad guys.   All the usual terms associated with insanity and paranoia are used in nearly
all fringe videos that conversely exaggerate and understate the reality.

The videos describing all of this are made to be seen as demented and ridiculous.  Trying
to promote an unstated consensual delusion across many thousands of videos implying
that things that don't fit reality (such as these videos) must be (like the videos) delusional,
psychotic and insane.  IOW, they are meant to proactively discredit anything or anyone
out of the ordinary.  Like things expressed here by me.

Existential anguish is to be reflected and confined to fiction or paintings like "Der Schrei
der Natur" a/k/a "The Scream of Nature" by Edvard Munch.  Painted seemingly to
resonate with a certain scream made by a Judge named Daniel Paul Schreber (Schrei)
who had his famous Freudian second psychotic "nervous episode" in 1893 the same year
as one of the Munch paintings.  With the "other", the alien, "That Guy", Lt. Tyrone Slothrop,
me or Munch's unfortunate sister in the foreground.  From around 2005 - 2011 the "other"
was me.

"A screaming comes across the sky.  It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now."  Famous timeless opening lines to Thomas Pynchon's 1973 novel Gravity's Rainbow regarding WWII German V-2 rockets over London.  It happened 
before and after when the scream of 747 airliners used as missiles were heard 911 
over New York City.  The carnage was seen by me from a distance and also on TV. 

2003 - 2005 siren-air-alert electronically altered human scream was also heard 
by me for years.  And then it stopped.  And no, it wasn't an auditory sonic trauma 
left over from September 11, 2001.  It was a warning that the party was over and 
that everything was changing.  It was more than subjective.  I still refuse to believe it. 

Monday, August 1, 2016


Yudkowsky considers the many worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics to be trivially obviously
true,[31] and anything that could happen does happen in some quantum Everett branch[32]
(modal realism[wp] is true[33]).Per Yudkowsky's conception of continuity of identity, copies of you in
these branches should be considered to exist (and be you) — even though you cannot interact with them.[34]áclav_Havel Not to change the subject but a New Yorker Václav Havel article struck a chord with me. 

Mr. H, Czech President, Vaclav Havel in 1990 accepting an honorary degree at Hebrew 
University and comparing his experiences to Mr. K, Franz Kafka.

"One of them is a profound, banal, and therefore utterly vague sensation of culpability, as though my very existence were a kind of sin.  Then there is a powerful feeling of general alienation, both my own and relating to everything around me, that helps to create such feelings; an experience of unbearable oppressiveness, a need constantly to explain myself to someone, to defend myself, a longing for an unattainable order of things, a longing that increases as the terrain I walk through becomes more muddled and confusing."

About the only thing I have in common with Vaclav Havel is that my
last name also begins with H and otherwise nothing in this blog compares
to what what he experienced in prison before the Prague Spring in the
freeing of Czechoslovakia from the Warsaw Pact USSR.

I can easily go from Havel, Kafka and the Prague Spring to Orwell.

I used to be very smug and very sure that my version of things was "right".
There have always been mentally ill people who believe they are victimized by
whoever he or she believes the enemy or "They" happen to be.  Everything in this blog
can be interpreted in that light.  Understandable but incorrect.  I was completely wrong
in my assumptions and no one could tell me otherwise.

DIRECT EXPERIENCE ON THE RECEIVING END beginning in 1994 and becoming
much more aggressive after 2001which many might contrive to say is some kind of
911 PTSD or some such nonsense.  The following will include the cringeworthy but
accurate explanation as to the source of all that I'm describing.  And no, it has nothing
to do with government or contractor conspiracies.  Any references to same are done for
the sake of context if not clarity.

1) E-distorted scream sound effect from outside my apartment followed by
verbal and multiple pulsed frequency sound combinations inducing nausea,
skin heating, racing heart, an adrenal rush felt in the kidney adrenals, in the heart
as angina and total sleep deprivation for 3/4 of a year and resulting temporary arthritis,
painful upper back and neck side effects.  (The sound frequencies I heard were seemingly
meant to mimic the previously mentioned commercially available sound weaponry)
Sleep deprivation for this amount of time, normally impossible, is made to be very
routine which means keeping a person alive and totally sleepless for 3/4 of a year doesn't
seem to present much of a problem for those hiding behind the decisive asset, as
Martin Ames would say, of being beyond belief.

New methods are likely added in pursuit of absolute overwhelming
intimidation, domination and control as if always in a constant
state of war implementing learned helplessness with and w/o physical
contact.  No evidence is apparent, all complaints must be dismissed.

Pulsed multi-frequency combinations are invasive, invisible, leave no
incriminating marks and yet are capable of "touching" and causing
extreme physical pain, nausea, heating of the skin or racing heart chest
pain causing the person to keel over.  The latter are all consigned to tactile
hallucinations or "anxiety attacks."  Nothing was wrong with my heart
but neither were these imagined.  Also no government plot, no technology
or invisible microwave DEW beams.  (The angina pain was a heart jump-
start during prolonged sleep deprivation and disruption)

2) People on the receiving end of sleep deprivation are kept alive and relatively
healthy in a kind of functional half-life fog.  Involuntary sleep deprivation and
disruption via verbiage, sound effects (the old base sound ceiling rapping of 
horror movies, slamming doors and scrapping chairs) sound frequencies 
stimulating or depressing major organs, modulating blood flow, sex drive 
and those famous Strangelovian "precious body fluids."  

3) During that 3/4 of a year sleepless marathon the only external obvious
differences in the immediate home environment besides those mentioned
were a mild aerosol chemical smell in the apartment that probably had stimulant
effects and also an almost constant hissing white-noise-like sound both
in the ears (blood flow due to contracted blood vesicles?) and, at times,
projected into the surrounding apartment space reaching a crescendo
effect around the sleepless endpoint after approximately nine months
and the start of another round of sleep disruption.
This occurred in my living space which was and still is more of an
virtual (v)-prison than a place to live.

4) No third party or doctor can distinguish any of this from classic delusion.
At the mere mention of "hearing voices" doctors can't blame themselves for
prescribing useless (in this case) anti-psychotic drugs because even the individual
on the receiving end has no conception, reason or experience to know what's behind
any of this.  The person will believe what they are told, that they are psychotic and
proceed to be compliant in taking useless prescriptions.  Lately the mental health
profession see's psychosis on a functional to dysfunctional spectrum.  This is considered
something of a breakthrough in the mental health field.  Breakthrough's are rare
but millions of research papers keep pouring forth.

Most people who experience intractable delusion and hallucinations also experience
sleep deprivation and believe, usually wrongfully, that they are the victims of externally
sourced plots.  Everything described here can be met with looks of fake concern
combined with the usual slow shaking of the head, as in, "whoops, there's always
room for one more comedian on the funny farm."

After the months of sleeplessness I assumed, wrongly, that I had a psychotic
break leading to auditory hallucinations and sleeplessness.  It took me years,
and increased sleep, to see things differently.  This can be seen as a typical
attempt at talking myself out of inconvenient reality except for the fact that
I will mention details that are difficult to imagine, copy, contrive or make up.

I can't prove I was completely awake for 3/4 of a year.  A typical response,
"I guess not, staying awake that long is impossible anyway?"  Or "you had to
have been on drugs and forgotten that you slept for brief periods."  Or ,"What's
that? You were being hit by invisible rays by invisible men?  Golly, that's too bad.
Check out some of Schreber's Thorazine flavored Kool-Aid for speedy relief."

(In Schreber's day it was opium and fresh air physical fitness for upper class
overworked judges claiming to be mystics)

All kinds of scenarios can be implied or imagined: Street or prescription stimulants?
Persecution complexes along with a desperate need for attention?  Making the whole
thing up or mixing select truth and fantasy, or, or, or anything but what I'm saying.
Convenient understandable automatic default settings that people always fall back
on because what is being said is inconvenient, repellent, or hilariously dumb sounding.

Total sleeplessness conveniently hinders awareness of what should be obvious.
What proves eventually to be so obvious is an insidious non-imagined 24/7 remote
metaphysical neural hack interference in every aspect of waking and sleeping life.

"What's that you say, metaphysical what?  From victim to mystic.  Where have
we heard that before?"  (Metaphysical is my word for it beyond the usual meaning
of the word.  Better than supernatural or spiritual.  It is anything but spiritual.)

The above manifested more aggressively in my case around 2002 some months after 911,
while in my fifties.  But was also a continuation of a slightly more subdued series of
personal events starting in 1993-4 coincidentally after the first WTC attack.  There is
no apparent connection and if any exists it is, again, way past my pay grade.

The more accurate my description of all this the less credible it sounds.  So I should
stop digging the hole deeper, right?  Nope, I'm in over my head and no matter how hard
I dig the hole stays at the same depth.  The level of experience stays the same.  Terrible.