Wednesday, September 28, 2016


"The church will become small and will have to start afresh more or less from the beginning."...Father Joseph Ratzinger AKA Pope Benedict XVI, 1969: 

The female reporter in the excellent movie Spotlight briefly interviewes an accused former
priest named Father Panquin.  Panquin calmly admits everything he was accused of.  The
depicted aging priest claims he got no pleasure from multiple molestations.  Before he
was stopped from talking further he matter of factly and mechanically mentions that he
was also raped when young.  And what does that scene and this topic have to do with anything?

Why was this scene specifically included in the movie?  What was being said?  Was it merely
dramatic Hollywood provocation describing an unofficial method of recruitment?   It certainly
went beyond easy answers like the availability of stimulant drugs pot, meth, amphetamines and cocaine.  Beyond suppressed sexuality and dumb occult-like mechanical methods of recruitment.

The Catholic Church as everyone knows reached unprecedented ricihes in post emigrant
America.  Enter a self-imposed karmic wheel that included reporters, lawyers and the
institution itself at all levels.

The Catholic Church under Pope Francis is still very formidable as it should be.  Pope Francis
has reported that his will be a short reign due to health problems.  Hope not.  The previous Pope, Pope Benedict, was acting as Pope long before his formal election.  Conservatives are unfortunately still very much still in control.

I had a talk with a dying priest, Father Philip around 2009.  He seemed to know me.
In response to feeble questions about the Knights of Columbus he said the following
regarding real world methods used by the bagmen of the Catholic Church, the people
who make the real estate deals and magically come up with large sums when needed.
Here was his response as a veteran priest: "They have their own agenda that has nothing
to do with religion."

Some weeks later in one of his last sermons: "watch out for those who value piety over people."  IOW, watch out for ultra-orthodox regardless of faith or ideology.  Islamic or Christian.  Pius X, Pastor John Hagee or Messianic Zionists.  The latter two seem to be enjoying a political
ideological merger of convenience.

Conservative defenders to the death of the Catholic Church haven't seen their day come
and go with the emergence of Pope Francis.  Just the opposite.  As always they see
themselves as being vindicated and redeemed.  Conservatives in the U.S. now count
themselves as among the persecuted.  Persecuted by whom?  They are persecuted and
offended by everything.  No one should have to endure Rod Dreher's public sufferings
in the old Pat Buchanan, TAC.  Just in time for winner-take-all-RAY-publican control.

In summery, public ridicule and persecution, has always been seen by the religious as 
badge of honor.  The Church isn't the only one operating in this mode.  In other sections 
I go into my views on institutions and religious celebrities who in my view deliberately 
invited public ridicule.  The Church has done the same.  It sees and feeds into geopolitical 
events that are said to resemble that which occurred before WWI and II. 

Women and minorities both racial and sexual are having their day in and out of media.
Media outlets like the Huffington Post go beyond caricature into the void when it comes
to reporting on transgender Republican, Cait Jenner's Room 101 gender bending politics.
Clickbait political identity sensationalists of the right or left won't miss my readership.
HuffPo political ravings are only a vague description of the real world or real world politics.
At the same time they're head and shoulders preferable to their right wing counterparts
in the fear and doom always at war lock and load NRA cliché departments.

In times of mixed gender and abortion cultural upheaval, extreme reactionaries have
taken control of of the U.S. Congress and at the same time do everything but stand
on their heads in attempts to portray themselves as being among the religious and
ideologically oppressed from all sides not in Syria or Iraq but in this country.

Imagine a President Trump or ANY Republican POTUS leading a Republican
Congressional majority and appointing Sen. Ted Cruz to fill a SCOTUS spot?
We don't have to imagine.  Hillary Clinton was the only one who could upset this
impossible to conceive right wing political scenario.  She would also have endured
non-stop comittee and impeachment hearings and possible political blackmail by
Republican majorities.

Someone like the right wing Bishop Fellay (great name) of Canada probably longs 
for the 1940's and 50's with the world digging out of WWII when people like him 
and the infamous Father Coughlin ran the (radio) show.  He and the Church would
routinely get away with neurosis passing for truth. 

The Bishop probably remembers 1955 like it was yesterday 
longing for a "good old 
fashion" Old Testament dropping the big one devastation and do-over for that 
time honored reborn renewal. 

Fellay, like Mel Gibson, probably invites public ridicule.  Maybe he, like so many 
right wing extremists, longs for a drugged up Air Force Missileer (as happened) 
or drunken Russian pressing the red button "doing God's will" upstaging the Iranians 
and giving Islamists and Christian fundamentalists everywhere their final hair trigger
"bombs away" Dr. Strangelove moment of eschatological release.  It makes no difference
if you actually believe what you say, just keep repeating repeating and do what you're told.
Do what you're told.  Do what you're.... even if you don't have to be told.  It would be funny
if the unpossible turned out true.  That they're all taking on assigned roles and are all
the same posthuman gestalt.  Truly terrifying.  Thank goodness that's one thing
"we", don't have to worry about.  What a relief.  And guess what?  Mel Gibson is
back and approaching Hollywood respectability in an era of manufactured Trump reality.
Hope for all of us. Allelu-Ya.

Thursday, September 22, 2016


No Doubt, the previous entries regarding the depressing Republican
control of Congress and right wing trolls can be temporarily offset by
Gwen Stefani, The Soggy Bottom Boys, George Clooney and the movie,
Oh Brother Where Art Thou?  (Big Brother is all around us in all his guises.)

Summer of 2016 I'm walking past Lincoln Center on my way to see the movie
"Genius" at the Lincoln Plaza.  I pass a political writer on the street I recognize but I'm
very bad with names.  I sit down in the theater to watch the coming attractions.  An
upcoming documentary about autism, "Life Animated", had the name Ron Suskind in
the credits.  His son is the main subject of the film.  Of course it was Suskind I had just
passed on the street.

The movie "Genius" is about Thomas Wolfe and his editor Maxwell Perkins who was also
editor for Hemingway and F. Scott Fitzgerald.  Wolfe's first book, "Look Homeward Angel"
played a large role in the movie.  Previously I had vague notions about Wolfe and his books.
I knew him from the photo I'd seen at the downtown White Horse Tavern.  I had no plans to
see the movie but I happened to play this Steve Young (who died this year) video the night before:

Non-events like that happen to people all the time.  When I played the Look Homeward
Angel video I completely missed the part about "my old friend Thomas from Ashville
North Carolina."

"Genius" was an amazing film about two Americans, Thomas Wolf and Maxwell Perkins
played by two British actors.  All the better because the Brits, with a sense of history
and context really know how to tell a story.  The real Wolfe at 6' 6" was not the sad depressed
writer I associated with the White Horse Tavern photo.  Just the opposite.  He was amplified
and larger than life in more ways than one.  Look Homeward Angel was published two days
before the start of Great Depression and stock market crash of 1929.  Just his luck.

They are still referred to as "peripherals" despite being permanently attached to (and in
some sense part of) their host processor..."

Now what does William Gibson's SF novel "The Peripheral" have to do with anything? 
And why was he in the same NYC subway car late 2014 standing over me with 
another guy about his age about a month after I bought but still hadn't read his book?  Coincidences like that happen all the time.  Except with some people they 
happen just a little too often.

He just happened to be wearing the same outfit as his photo on the back of the book.
I kept saying what I find myself saying all too often these days, "Is that what's-his-face?
Nah, can't be...too old.  Except it was his face.  He was doing publicity in NYC at the 

time with recorded YT interviews.

Are the people I blog about biological time traveling animatronic humanoids from 

the "future" with uploaded consciousness as in Gibson's story?  No. His vehicles are 
imagination, metaphor, and allegory.  Mine unfortunately aren't.  

Friday, September 2, 2016


So who, what, when, where, and most importantly, why?  They used to be valid questions. 

Another question needs to be asked.  Who is this blog addressed to?  Who is likely to 
even pretend to read or believe any of it?  The answer is nada, NO ONE. 

The following is a Wiki entry regarding unwitting volunteer CIA Harvard programs 
of the 1950's.  IOW, a little context regarding what has been showing up on countless 
bogus internet sites and You Tube channels.  They are hints of a silent Zoolander 
disruption beyond anything so trivial as government or contractor secret plots. 
  •   EDIT

    From the fall of 1959 through the spring of 1962, (Dr.) Murray was responsible 
    for the ethically questionable, CIA-sponsored MK ULTRA experiments in which twenty-two undergraduates were used as research subjects.[3][4] Among other purposes, Murray's experiments focused on measuring people's reactions under extreme stress. 
  • Unwitting undergraduates submitted to what Murray himself called "vehement, sweeping and personally abusive" attacks. Assaults to their egos, cherished ideas and beliefs were the vehicle used to cause high levels of stress and distress. Among them was 16-year-old Ted Kaczynski, who went on to become the Unabomber, a serial killer targeting academics and technologists. [5] Alston Chase's book Harvard and the Unabomber: The Education of an American Terrorist connects Kaczynski's abusive experiences under Murray to his later criminal career. Theodore John Kaczynski, was given the code name "Lawful".

The above was a CIA program, a footnote that might have been expanded beyond the
laboratory into campus life in the case of one, Ted Kaczynski with his 170 IQ.  Even if that
wasn't the case the above wording perfectly describes something that predates the CIA.  It
describes a systematic psychological waterboarding assault on the senses.  Imagine the
KGB FSB version?  But hey, things have changed with Putin.  "Only" journalists and
opposition candidates are killed.  Not like under Stalin where anyone rumored to be
subversive was killed with plenty of gulag free labor (political dissidents, the unlucky,
homosexuals, gypsies, Jews, Czarists, the insane, drug addicts, orphans etc).

IOW, the above serves as an approximation of something that is not now and never was
confined to very intelligent but susceptible Harvard crash-test dummy undergraduate
volunteers.  In the version I describe no human could be anything but susceptible
when subject to what is beyond my means of description.

This blog is an approximation that only mimics the reality. I will attempt to 
provide the only "proof" of claim that I am aware of which can barely be 
considered circumstantial.  When context is provided it might be slightly 
more than circumstantial.  It might provoke the question, "WTF is going on here?"  
If there's anyone left besides me with enough curiosity to even ask.  

Friday, August 26, 2016


Stranger than fiction events comparable to scenes from the 1990
movie "Jacob's Ladder" minus combat related PTSD or the Hollywood
elements of demons, drugs, flashbacks, exploding cars and the contrived
cop-out "it was all a drug induced dream before death" depressing ending.
The lead character Jacob Singer (Tim Robbins) is a Jewish Army combat soldier in
Vietnam.  He is bayoneted in the stomach by one of his own men who were depicted
as being unwitting lab rats in a CIA drug experiment using something like BZ, an
hallucinatory aggression amplifying drug.  Jacob is found in the jungle with his
intestines outside his body.  Singer is still alive and taken by helicopter to a basecamp hospital.

The movie then picks up on what is supposed to be his post war civilian life.
In my view, all the scenes in this movie, all the flashbacks, everything hallucinatory
are depicted for a reason and meant to stand on their own loosely depicting iconic
metaphysical events that are timeless.

In 1985 I had "successful" sternum to pelvic bone resection surgery.  The operation was
five years before the movie.  I was in my late thirties.  Nothing iconic or metaphysical
about it but there is something going on regarding wounds or surgery in that particular area.

Unlike the movie I latter experienced a 6 to 9 month marathon of total sleep deprivation
without stimulant prescription or street drugs while in my 60's.  Considered impossible and
as close as anyone wants to get to a living death.

At one point the movie shows a civilian Jacob Singer at a crowded NYC apartment party
mixing with friends of his then Hispanic girlfriend. He is awkward and has nothing in
common with them.  As shown in the trailer, he has his palm read during the party.
Singer, shown with a wine bottle in his hand experiences confusion and war flashbacks
developing into a 106 fever.  His wife, played by the late Elizabeth Peña, gets him into
an ice bath to lower his body temperature.  He yells out that he's dying.  The shock sends
him into delirium.  He blacks out and imagines himself with his Jewish ex-wife.
He tells his ex the bedroom they are in feels like 10 degrees mirroring the ice bath.

Here's how that translates:
In the 1970's I am invited to Brooklyn to "sleep" with a partly Jewish female I'd
been seeing who was always said to be "married."  Her open marital arrangement was
more than slightly unconventional.  My guess now would be she would get pregnant by
a male loosely defined as a "husband" and would then sleep with me in between pregnancies.
Her looks were the very opposite of the Pena movie character.

The Brooklyn apartment is normal at first and then in the middle of the AM feels to be
at least 10 degrees below.  She says the heat is turned off at night.  It is unnaturally cold.
When I try to touch her to warm up she is too hot to get close to.  She is burning up but
notices nothing wrong.  She is too young for hot flashes.  Her body heat was beyond
anything sexual or natural.  But considering what we just did it did serve a purpose.

Awake all night in the sub-freezing cold room I go to work the next morning and
of course see her "husband" coming from his night job.  We turn around at the same
time as we pass.  He probably knows what's going on but it is all made to seem like high
intrigue.  Like a movie.  The invitation, the room temperate, her temperature and the
morning meeting was a contrived stupid arrangement designed to provoke guilt and
confusion about myself and the the woman I thought I knew.  I was the only one not in on the joke.

Thursday, August 25, 2016


There are scenes in the movie of insidious crazed doctors with typically big needles.
Replaced in reality by "nice guy" smiling student dentists applying unneeded painful
injections into the chin cavity inside my lower gums.  Smiling Asian "student" dentist
knew I would yell out in a crowded clinic which I haven't done at the hands of dentists
since the sixth grade when I got minor cavities filled without painkiller.  Smiling Asian
student dentist denies everything.  Everyone stays in character except me.  I complain
and am switched to a female Asian dentist.  Her first words to me?  "Will you cooperate?"

What I try and fail to describe above and below is all too similar to the shocks
depicted in post war civilian parts of the movie except that the reality is less dramatic.

Unlike Singer, I never got off at abandoned Bergen Street subway stations in Brooklyn.
The people seen by Jacob in compressed scenes on subways are comparable to what I
see in encounters more numerous except that none include seeing homeless guys with tails
left out of some versions of the movie.

I did witness a fake subway fight with real people bouncing off seats inside a moving subway.
I was not involved but I could see the contrived desperation of it unfolding in front of me.
That's an example of odd events I see every time I use the subways of NYC.  Imagination,
mood, paranoia or drugs play no part.  But...

...Jacob experiences one visual shock after another.  This extends to the physical as he
is abducted by three men in a moving auto that he escapes only to have his wallet and ID
picked after he hits the ground by a guy in a Santa Klaus suit and beard waving his
bell for donations.  When asked what happened to his ID at a hospital ER he admits
that "Santa Klaus took it" confirming the movie doctors idea of someone insane.  When
wheeled on a gurney through hospital winding corridors the audience and Jacob sees
someone resembling his ex-wife curled up on the hospital floor.  See's his chiropractor
vaguely behind a glazed window.  His girlfriend Jessie is one of the nurses.  This is seen
to be the result of a concussion received in the speeding car but, as mentioned previously,
also representing something else.  Similar disjointed events not so dramatic happen routinely
in my real life version.  The fact that none of it answers to logic soon becomes beside the
point.  Ex-girlfriends that I knew for years are seen inches away in public who gaze past me.
Common enough.  In the 1970's an East Indian male is seen climbing my fire escape at
 4:30 AM, barefoot and dressed only in a sackcloth.  This happened to be the first time I had
a girl sleep over.  The guy climbing the ladder shows up years later in contexts so different
I couldnt conceive of connecting the two events.

An event analogous to the fictional Jacob Singer car scene happened to me in April of 2014.
I am pined to the floor of a Soho bar around 4PM after being asked to leave for no apparent
reason.  I offered to pay my bill but wasn't given the chance.  There was no previous trouble,
no inebriation in a near empty bar.  A knee to the back of my leg sends me to the ground
with a guy for each leg and one with his knee to my chest while holding down my arms.
He knows his knee is stopping me from breathing and talking normally.  While down I
manage to call him a moron.  I am cuffed, ID is taken and returned.  No name tag, no police
ID is shown, I am uncuffed.  An ambulance arrives and drives me to to Presbyterian Hospital
ER across town.  The only people I see are uncomprehending blank-faced security.  I sit down,
I walk out after 30 seconds.  No blow to the head, no Santa Klaus characters, no missing ID.

No medical procedures, no blood pressure taken but the Presbyterian Hospital ambulance
bills my insurance for over a thousand dollars.  Routine fraud is the least of it.  I consider
challenging the claim.  I go back to the bar and a different bartender.  And who is going
to believe this story even with witnesses.  Nada, no one.  The guy compressing my chest
with his knee shows up the next day in circumstances so completely different as to be almost
comparable to Jacob watching helplessly while Santa Klaus picks his pocket.  There are other
implications associated with the movie version that I don't even want to touch.

Friday, August 5, 2016


Everything described in this blog does and doesn't originate in any particular time or country.
Manifesting in the 1960's - 1980's in the following ways: I had no idea at the time but
"new age" groups like Macrobiotics, Bioenergetics, Sri Chinmoy, Bubba Free John,
Integral Yoga and many other so-called alternative eastern and western groups were
completely serious as far as their stated intentions and completely rigged.

By who?  Not the FBI who were probably there reporting to J. Edgar and his successor
on what might have been considered to be potential subversive foreign infiltration.
The groups themselves didn't care and probably got a bunch of laughs over who the
special agent G-Man infiltrator was.

These alt groups had excellent PR depending on the image they wanted projected.
I never followed Franklin "Adi Da" Jones' " and his naughty reported hippy orgies which
were likely faked or contrived for the sake of rumor.  Or relatively conservative East-
Indian mediation teachers seemingly following unwritten scripts of prescribing celebracy
until, one after the other, getting "caught" seducing female followers.  One was described
as preforming mechanically, in/ out laughably animatronic sex seemingly getting nothing out
of it.  IOW, asexual, as if doing a job.  Like the priest from Spotlight.  And fulfilling
deliberately self-provoked falls from "enlightened grace", a karmic offset to being objects
of worship and fame.  Deliberately arranged and welcomed PR both positive and negative?

IMO, many people, Catholic religious leader, Marcial Maciel Dellogado, famous politicians
like Sen. Larry Craig, actor Mel Gibson who manufacture deliberate public humiliation under
the guise of sex, mental illness, substance abuse or all three.  Right after he, Gibson, makes a
billion dollars depicting the Crucifixion of Christ a series of incidents are blamed on alcohol,
"the Joos" or a bipolar condition.  Was he actually DWI?  Yes.  Involved with porn actresses?
Most likely.  All real and all faked.  Public disgrace is considered a badge of honor and
something to actually strive for in some religious quarters.  Like his for instance.  Like the
Catholic Church for instance.  Gibson just happens to be fundamentalist Catholic.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016


And now, from Mos Easley, Mexico, the Cisco Kid, Pancho and Han Solo live
from Moz Kantata's Cantina: Help Me Ob-ama Wan Kanobi you were our last hope...
in fighting the weirdest creatures you've ever seen...You will never find a more
retched hive of Trumpian scum and villainy...

And now a loose metaphor for NYC:

The perfect intro to:
* Extreme man-made climate change across the earth. 
* Extreme displacement of nine simultaneous "Arab Spring" Islamic civil wars.
* Extreme right wing resurgent politics worldwide w/ Trump birtherism the very least of it.
Millions of displaced flowing into Western and Easten Europe and the Americas. 
* Extreme economic volatility, the 2008 Great Recession to the collapse of oil to Brexit. * Extreme 6' 8" Tatooined humanoids gay and straight out of Moz Kantata's Cantina, NYC.
Now what is all this about extreme size and height?

I don't see 6' 5" women every time I go out.  But close to it.  Are they all from the Netherlands?
Models from Mars?  College or pro athletes?  Nephilim?  Is that the next stupid thought in the progression of extremes?  The average height is still supposed to be 5' 10 for men and 5' 6" for
women.  So Jerry, ah says to myself, what gives?

There are internet sites and videos about "sons of God" and "daughters of men" nephilim
who supposedly existed before Noah referenced not just on biblical sites but on hundreds 
of rigged bogus blogs and videos whose deliberately provocative fake presentation repeats 
the terms "Reptilians" and "ancient space aliens" to convince those still not in on the joke 
that the internet is teaming with sub IQ 80 delusional nutjobs. 

A few are...nuts that is.  A few videos and comments are by and for the insane but the
majority of fringe sites and channels are by people who are the opposite of insane.
If it was just a hundred no one including me would care.  The same troll farms likely
also account for toxic internet trolling and threats directed at women always blamed
on male Gamergate fanatics of all ages.  IMO, it is all done to degrade internet usage
in general for everyone and women in particular.  This blog might indicate who these
idiots are generally which means nothing when, as the late L. Cohen used to sing,
"That's the way it goes, Everybody Knows."  Except slow learner me.

And are the videos, forums and blogs on the subjects of mind control, so-called
"targeted individuals", chemtrails, aliens, FEMA coffin, financial, nuclear, Fukushima,
and religious eschatologic end-times-all-the-time all by the same few loosely defined troll
farm networks all with the same motive?  No, not all.  The vast majority.  On social
networks like You Tube they're the work of few troll farms mostly I would guess of
Russian origin.

Am I am telling my nonexistent readers that there is something wrong that goes slightly
beyond my personal projections of what people should look like, think like or what
should and should not be?  Yes I am even though there's no one listening except for
my usual single female follower.  The first one identified as female US military
intelligence who was likely nothing of the kind.  Replaced by her opposite, a retired
US expatriate living in South of France.  This someone seems to favor 911 conspiracy
style cultivated by RT or Sputnik government sponsored "news."

Besides being a retired, lazy, 6' aging boomer who might look to be a grey-haired 40 - 50
male of average health, no medication, no hair dye, no nose rings or ponytails, no shaved
head, dreads, drugs, addictions, no tattoos, man buns, beards or bi polar mood swings
going in opposite directions.  Pretty dull and nothing in common with humanoids too
numerous to count who look straight out of the meth amphetamined "Mad Max" future or
walking monument alien hookers from the 1996 movie, "Mars Attacks."  The aliens are us
from earth not from space.  Or like the old Twilight Zone segment maybe I'm the alien freak
and everybody else is Trump normal.

On the internet there is a special emphasis on endtimes-all-the-time which for many
means there is no future because it's literally always Apocalypse Now!  Recycled
over and over through wars, famine, recycled lifetimes except Apocalypse Now is silent.
The internal gestalt entity called god is no longer silent but his external endtimes are.
Maybe the drama and the fire will come next week.

Dead Man's Party:
All dressed up and nowhere to go...Oingo Boingo from The Ritz of NYC 30 years ago.
I caught Marshall Crenshaw and Jim Carroll but missed this band of weirdness....

All the negatives mentioned before the OB video that I avoid are constants of visual 
extremes experienced day in and day out far in excess of what should be 
characteristic of my or any average big city mixed neighborhood.  It could be 
said that this blog is an exhibit A example of how big mood swings affect the 
content of a persons external world view.  With this blog being a Daniel Schreber-
like "Only Little Boy In New York" delusional manifesto about "improvisational 
people" illustrative of imaginings or lack of changing generation coping abilities.  
Some of that is true just like the 1960's were a shock for my father.  Except that 
none of what I see can quite be explained away by the usual default changing times clichés.  

My imagination isn't up to the task of projecting or imagining what I see in the streets 
of NYC every single day.  

Crowds, loud music, differences and disruptions that are part of or exceed the
average persons day to day experience are no big deal for me.  What I am describing
is "unpossible" except that nothing written about here individually can be considered
in any way exceptional.  Except by me, a left behind kind of guy, who still can't believe
his lying eyes.  Per the song "Dead Man's Party", my invite a party where no one's alive...

....NYC in a time warp looking more and more like the NYC of 1984 without the
drugs and related crime.  The city has become a dead zone, an overcrowded
graveyard or deadman's party reflective of things that are part of and apart from global events.  Disruptions not accounted for by official or unofficial U-6 unemployment, the homeless
or displaced migrants but includes all of those.  As of post election 2016 things are improving
slightly.  Certain females that I knew would say this is reflective of "moods" leveling off.
It's just that my moods were never the ones in question.  Conservative looks now alternate with
Zoolander wildlife.  (A tweet by Ben Stiller who directed and acted in the movie Zoolander
just crossed my screen.  Jussst coincidence.  I sub to Stiller on Twitter but he rarely tweets.)

This particular NYC cycle is mirrored in the TV and movie entertainment industry (Gotham,
Star Wars, Walking Dead, The Truman Show, Jacob's Ladder, They Live) but never openly
acknowledged.  Bogus sites disguise the reality behind dire gang stalking videos where
large numbers of innocent people are said to be mind control, stalked, "electronically harassed"
24/7 by what are stated to be or implied to be U.S. government sponsored paid gang stalkers.
The millions of victims worldwide are described as targeted individuals or TI's stalked by
"perp" bad guys.   All the usual terms associated with insanity and paranoia are used in nearly
all fringe videos that conversely exaggerate and understate the reality.

The videos describing all of this are made to be seen as demented and ridiculous.  Trying
to promote an unstated consensual delusion across many thousands of videos implying
that things that don't fit reality (such as these videos) must be (like the videos) delusional,
psychotic and insane.  IOW, they are meant to proactively discredit anything or anyone
out of the ordinary.  Like things expressed here by me.

Existential anguish is to be reflected and confined to fiction or paintings like "Der Schrei
der Natur" a/k/a "The Scream of Nature" by Edvard Munch.  Painted seemingly to
resonate with a certain scream made by a Judge named Daniel Paul Schreber (Schrei)
who had his famous Freudian second psychotic "nervous episode" in 1893 the same year
as one of the Munch paintings.  With the "other", the alien, "That Guy", Lt. Tyrone Slothrop,
me or Munch's unfortunate sister in the foreground.  From around 2005 - 2011 the "other"
was me.

"A screaming comes across the sky.  It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now."  Famous timeless opening lines to Thomas Pynchon's 1973 novel Gravity's Rainbow regarding WWII German V-2 rockets over London.  It happened 
before and after when the scream of 747 airliners used as missiles were heard 911 
over New York City.  The carnage was seen by me from a distance and also on TV. 

2003 - 2005 siren-air-alert electronically altered human scream was also heard 
by me for years.  And then it stopped.  And no, it wasn't an auditory sonic trauma 
left over from September 11, 2001.  It was a warning that the party was over and 
that everything was changing.  It was more than subjective.  I still refuse to believe it. 

Monday, August 1, 2016


Yudkowsky considers the many worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics to be trivially obviously
true,[31] and anything that could happen does happen in some quantum Everett branch[32]
(modal realism[wp] is true[33]).Per Yudkowsky's conception of continuity of identity, copies of you in
these branches should be considered to exist (and be you) — even though you cannot interact with them.[34]áclav_Havel Not to change the subject but a New Yorker Václav Havel article struck a chord with me. 

Mr. H, Czech President, Vaclav Havel in 1990 accepting an honorary degree at Hebrew 
University and comparing his experiences to Mr. K, Franz Kafka.

"One of them is a profound, banal, and therefore utterly vague sensation of culpability, as though my very existence were a kind of sin.  Then there is a powerful feeling of general alienation, both my own and relating to everything around me, that helps to create such feelings; an experience of unbearable oppressiveness, a need constantly to explain myself to someone, to defend myself, a longing for an unattainable order of things, a longing that increases as the terrain I walk through becomes more muddled and confusing."

About the only thing I have in common with Vaclav Havel is that my
last name also begins with H and otherwise nothing in this blog compares
to what what he experienced in prison before the Prague Spring in the
freeing of Czechoslovakia from the Warsaw Pact USSR.

I can easily go from Havel, Kafka and the Prague Spring to Orwell.

I used to be very smug and very sure that my version of things was "right".
There have always been mentally ill people who believe they are victimized by
whoever he or she believes the enemy or "They" happen to be.  Everything in this blog
can be interpreted in that light.  Understandable but incorrect.  I was completely wrong
in my assumptions and no one could tell me otherwise.

DIRECT EXPERIENCE ON THE RECEIVING END beginning in 1994 and becoming
much more aggressive after 2001which many might contrive to say is some kind of
911 PTSD or some such nonsense.  The following will include the cringeworthy but
accurate explanation as to the source of all that I'm describing.  And no, it has nothing
to do with government or contractor conspiracies.  Any references to same are done for
the sake of context if not clarity.

1) E-distorted scream sound effect from outside my apartment followed by
verbal and multiple pulsed frequency sound combinations inducing nausea,
skin heating, racing heart, an adrenal rush felt in the kidney adrenals, in the heart
as angina and total sleep deprivation for 3/4 of a year and resulting temporary arthritis,
painful upper back and neck side effects.  (The sound frequencies I heard were seemingly
meant to mimic the previously mentioned commercially available sound weaponry)
Sleep deprivation for this amount of time, normally impossible, is made to be very
routine which means keeping a person alive and totally sleepless for 3/4 of a year doesn't
seem to present much of a problem for those hiding behind the decisive asset, as
Martin Ames would say, of being beyond belief.

New methods are likely added in pursuit of absolute overwhelming
intimidation, domination and control as if always in a constant
state of war implementing learned helplessness with and w/o physical
contact.  No evidence is apparent, all complaints must be dismissed.

Pulsed multi-frequency combinations are invasive, invisible, leave no
incriminating marks and yet are capable of "touching" and causing
extreme physical pain, nausea, heating of the skin or racing heart chest
pain causing the person to keel over.  The latter are all consigned to tactile
hallucinations or "anxiety attacks."  Nothing was wrong with my heart
but neither were these imagined.  Also no government plot, no technology
or invisible microwave DEW beams.  (The angina pain was a heart jump-
start during prolonged sleep deprivation and disruption)

2) People on the receiving end of sleep deprivation are kept alive and relatively
healthy in a kind of functional half-life fog.  Involuntary sleep deprivation and
disruption via verbiage, sound effects (the old base sound ceiling rapping of 
horror movies, slamming doors and scrapping chairs) sound frequencies 
stimulating or depressing major organs, modulating blood flow, sex drive 
and those famous Strangelovian "precious body fluids."  

3) During that 3/4 of a year sleepless marathon the only external obvious
differences in the immediate home environment besides those mentioned
were a mild aerosol chemical smell in the apartment that probably had stimulant
effects and also an almost constant hissing white-noise-like sound both
in the ears (blood flow due to contracted blood vesicles?) and, at times,
projected into the surrounding apartment space reaching a crescendo
effect around the sleepless endpoint after approximately nine months
and the start of another round of sleep disruption.
This occurred in my living space which was and still is more of an
virtual (v)-prison than a place to live.

4) No third party or doctor can distinguish any of this from classic delusion.
At the mere mention of "hearing voices" doctors can't blame themselves for
prescribing useless (in this case) anti-psychotic drugs because even the individual
on the receiving end has no conception, reason or experience to know what's behind
any of this.  The person will believe what they are told, that they are psychotic and
proceed to be compliant in taking useless prescriptions.  Lately the mental health
profession see's psychosis on a functional to dysfunctional spectrum.  This is considered
something of a breakthrough in the mental health field.  Breakthrough's are rare
but millions of research papers keep pouring forth.

Most people who experience intractable delusion and hallucinations also experience
sleep deprivation and believe, usually wrongfully, that they are the victims of externally
sourced plots.  Everything described here can be met with looks of fake concern
combined with the usual slow shaking of the head, as in, "whoops, there's always
room for one more comedian on the funny farm."

After the months of sleeplessness I assumed, wrongly, that I had a psychotic
break leading to auditory hallucinations and sleeplessness.  It took me years,
and increased sleep, to see things differently.  This can be seen as a typical
attempt at talking myself out of inconvenient reality except for the fact that
I will mention details that are difficult to imagine, copy, contrive or make up.

I can't prove I was completely awake for 3/4 of a year.  A typical response,
"I guess not, staying awake that long is impossible anyway?"  Or "you had to
have been on drugs and forgotten that you slept for brief periods."  Or ,"What's
that? You were being hit by invisible rays by invisible men?  Golly, that's too bad.
Check out some of Schreber's Thorazine flavored Kool-Aid for speedy relief."

(In Schreber's day it was opium and fresh air physical fitness for upper class
overworked judges claiming to be mystics)

All kinds of scenarios can be implied or imagined: Street or prescription stimulants?
Persecution complexes along with a desperate need for attention?  Making the whole
thing up or mixing select truth and fantasy, or, or, or anything but what I'm saying.
Convenient understandable automatic default settings that people always fall back
on because what is being said is inconvenient, repellent, or hilariously dumb sounding.

Total sleeplessness conveniently hinders awareness of what should be obvious.
What proves eventually to be so obvious is an insidious non-imagined 24/7 remote
metaphysical neural hack interference in every aspect of waking and sleeping life.

"What's that you say, metaphysical what?  From victim to mystic.  Where have
we heard that before?"  (Metaphysical is my word for it beyond the usual meaning
of the word.  Better than supernatural or spiritual.  It is anything but spiritual.)

The above manifested more aggressively in my case around 2002 some months after 911,
while in my fifties.  But was also a continuation of a slightly more subdued series of
personal events starting in 1993-4 coincidentally after the first WTC attack.  There is
no apparent connection and if any exists it is, again, way past my pay grade.

The more accurate my description of all this the less credible it sounds.  So I should
stop digging the hole deeper, right?  Nope, I'm in over my head and no matter how hard
I dig the hole stays at the same depth.  The level of experience stays the same.  Terrible.

Saturday, July 30, 2016


Looking for on-line proof for this blogs contentions?  Good luck! You will see plenty of YT
PR salesmen imitating seriousness or insanity creating deliberate doublethink smokescreens by
the thousand.  This manufactured confusion is where paid and unpaid contractor actors create, fabricate their own opposition and then attack their own creation and vice versa with 
both sides "winning" both arguments.  

Rent the Matt Damon movie "Promised Land" to see how corporate contractors operate 
when dealing with average people, in that case, on the issue of fracking.   Natural gas 
contractors operating as environmental activists pushing intentionally false information
or disinformation and then exposing their own fake facts to discredit environmentalists.
It is ingenious. 

The information that follows is what is made public in a relatively open society.
In closed societies like Russia and China the following occurs so often as to invite
shrugs of the shoulders as in, hey-what-can-you-do about another relative, blogger or
reporter arrested, beaten or killed for "crimes" of "unpatriotic emotion" or subversion
against government.

In the 1950's American Ivy League universities and low paid researchers were able to
skim large amounts from CIA black budgets while making themselves believe they were
serving a greater cause.

Dr. Sydney Gottlieb, who led the MKULTRA program, apparently found out
differently and eventually said publicly that his work in this program was
effectively useless.  For once, IMO, and contrary to all published reports, he was
probably telling the truth.
Researchers from US and Canada probably thought the MKUltra program goals
were as stated: behavior modification to assist in interrogation, torture and control.
They were right and also wrong. IMO, with few exceptions the entire program
might have been an expensive diversion to compensate for the following....
"The project (MKUltra) began during a period of what Rupert Cornwell 
described as "paranoia" at the CIA, when America had lost its nuclear
monopoly, and fear of Communism (China went communist) was at its 
height. [23] James Jesus Angletonhead of CIA counter-intelligence, 
believed that the organization had been penetrated by a mole at the 
highest levels.[23James Jesus Angleton had regular drinking sessions
with high ranking British spy Kim Philby.  The bad guy was right under
his prominent paranoid nose. Philby later defected to Russia, an
apparent traitor.  B-b-but was he?

The above resulted in a CIA manufactured MKUltra "mind control,
brainwashing gap" where Russians and Koreans were, as always, made
to appear as way ahead.  "Communist Red Scares" before and after
Joe McCarthy (based on reality and manufactured hysteria), non-existent
"bomber gaps", Sputnik satellite technology gaps, "missile gaps" and
ensuing Cold War paranoia leading to intended increases to CIA and defense budgets.

THE UPDATED VERSION (NOT the result of any DEW weaponry or technology
or the result of government or contractor mind control conspiracy)
1) remote frequency stimulus or depression of brain and body for 6-8 months of

2) enabling a one and two way neurohack and scaring the living crap out of the victim.

3) Then a continuing nightly psychic driving where every word is spoken in a textured
unison staccato "driving" of an e-filtered mix of simple wordage thousands of times
into the brain and psyche.  The latter is done routinely, programmed step by step.
Again, this does not originate with any government or corporate agency.  It is not
technology.  It does mimic technology perfectly.

Remote, non-local, action at a distance means directing frequencies that "touch" and that
particular touch may or may be subtle enough to be felt on the skin.  Sound frequencies
can adjust, stimulate, depress specific areas of the brain and body and psyche without,
physical contact and be felt consciously or not.  A slight needle like sensation is felt
hitting the neck area in the area of the thyroid or larynx for minutes at a time.  The
next day I will feel unusually talkative.  A direct cause and effect.  This was nothing
painful, no microwave DEW laser effect and can be dismissed as a tactile hallucination.

The implications comprise every paranoid's and public/ private security interrogators 
wet dreams come true.  "Us", in all too many cases, are people pretending to be 
freedom loving civil libertarian "good guys" in opposition to "Them" NSA or FSB
or corporate oil klepto Russian bad guys".  "Us" and "Them" are frequently one 
in the same when it comes to some on-line and real world double-think honey-traps
now given the label "fake news" as if some kind of revelation.  When used to 
manipulate an election it finally gets some serious and WaPo fake coverage. 

Friday, July 29, 2016


(always projected into "the future")


Photo: Joint Base Lewis McChord / Flickr


"IT’S BEEN FASHIONABLE in military circles to talk about cyberspace as a “fifth domain” for warfare, along with land, space, air and sea. But there’s a sixth and arguably more important warfighting domain emerging: the human brain."

This new battlespace is not just about influencing hearts and minds
with people seeking truth about this final of frontiers. It’s about 
involuntarily penetrating, shaping, and coercing the mind in the ultimate 
realization of Clausewitz’s definition of war: compelling an adversary to 
submit to one’s will. 
"And the most powerful tool in this war is brain-computer interface (BCI) 
technologies, which connect the human brain to robotic systems."

"Where BCIs can provide opportunities for injured or disabled soldiers 
to remain on active duty post injury, enable paralyzed individuals to 
use their brain to type, or allow amputees to feel using bionic limbs
they can also be exploited if hacked. BCIs can be used to manipulate 
or kill for security or humanitarian purposes, the reality is that 
misapplication of such research and technology has significant 
implications for the future of warfare."

"Recently, security expert Barnaby Jack demonstrated the vulnerability of
biotechnological systems by highlighting how easily pacemakers and implantable 
cardioverter-defibrillators (ICDs) could be hacked, raising fears about the 
susceptibility of even life-saving biotechnological implants. This vulnerability 
could easily be extended to biotechnologies that connect directly to the brain,
such as vagus nerve stimulation or deep-brain stimulation."
(Security expert Barnaby Jack died in 2013)

"Outside the body, recent experiments have proven that the brain can control and 
maneuver quadcopter drones and metal exoskeletons. How long before we harness 
the power of mind-controlled weaponized drones – or use BCIs to enhance the power, 
efficiency, and sheer lethality of our soldiers?"
The Wired article is not just posing these facts for the sake of drama. 
It is asking the reader to just use some inference, some imagination as to the
actual possibilities.  Methods that resemble what was thought to be
something akin to "magic" but is not.

In reality there is no compunction about doing involuntary psychological
experimentation on civilians.  Unless caught all of it is sanctioned and winked at
as no big deal.

The average smug individual like I used to be has little to worry about except getting
all angry at NSA spy overreach on one hand and if we are attacked again getting
understandably angry about that.  The media feels entitled to exploit each in isolation
as if one has nothing to do with the other.  Bounced back and forth by our mainstream
and so-called alternative media, between privacy and security with one political
party having a near monopoly on the manipulation and exploitation of fear and
doom perpetual war at home and abroad.  I don't have to mention the name.
This is the party of endless financial and religious endtime all the time disruption.
The lefty unimagined rapture of the nerds global warming and climate change
disasters in the making don't compare. When combined the effect is similar.